he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
