So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
