And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
