i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
