508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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