He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
