if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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