My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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