I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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