Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
