she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
