Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just invented taco cereal.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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