from now on my penis is your penis
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
