He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
