Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
