im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize