Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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