We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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