Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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