apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
