I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
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Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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