Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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