i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
