I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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