We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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