How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
