I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to