FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.