Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
