You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.