Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
