just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening