your parents love me but you hate me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.