so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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