dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
whose parrot is this?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug