ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?