You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT