is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses