Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
