I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
