totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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