your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're my little dorito
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
