I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
