everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
