dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
