If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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