Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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