i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
