Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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