if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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