went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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