If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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