I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
