a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
