I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I won the penis lottery.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
