It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
