never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
