im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
