you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize