He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
