and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
