You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
