If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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