I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
God I need to hump something, right now.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
