I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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