We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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