Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
