i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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