worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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