Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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