Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
