mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
