Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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