I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
