yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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