I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize