She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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