We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
