therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
