erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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