I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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