I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
