walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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