I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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