i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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