where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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