Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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