so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
