can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
