Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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