u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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