So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
