Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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