his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
